It's A Zoo Around Here
by Red Witch
Summary: Another day, another round of failed experiments and madness at Cobra.


**Some animal walked off with the disclaimer saying that I don't own any GI Joe characters. Just more insane madness from my tiny little mind. **

**It's A Zoo Around Here. **

"Hello Mindbender," Cobra Commander walked into the mad scientist's lab. "How is your research going?"

"Oh rather well Cobra Commander," Mindbender was surprised to see him. "Is today our monthly review?"

"No, I just wanted to get out of my office for a bit," Cobra Commander waved. "Stretch my legs. You know?"

"Another rat infestation?" Mindbender asked.

"Another **Dreadnok** infestation," Cobra Commander said. "Rats are more tolerable and cleaner than they are."

"They found your alcohol flavored ice cream stash didn't they?" Mindbender asked.

"And I just gotten it stocked too," Cobra Commander sighed. "So what are we working on today?"

"The hypnosis ray and its effects," Mindbender pointed to a strange looking weapon on the lab table.

"MEOWWWW!"

"RARRRRRRRR!"

Cadet Deming ran by on all fours screeching like a cat with the Baroness barking like a dog hot on her heels. "Well not the effects so much because we all know what **they** are," Mindbender admitted.

"That's still going on huh?" Cobra Commander sighed.

"I'm afraid so," Mindbender said. "But on the upside once we figure out how the hypnosis ray works a little more it will be a powerful weapon for Cobra."

"Is Dr. Venom working on it?" Cobra Commander asked.

"He's still in the medical unit," Mindbender sighed. "You see the Baroness chased Cadet Deming into his hospital room and…"

"His recovery will be longer than expected. I get it," Cobra Commander groaned. "Well have you tried working on the ray?"

"Baaaahhh! Baaahhh!" A couple of Cobra Soldiers ran by bleating on all fours.

"Whinny! Whinny!" Another Cobra soldier pranced by using coconuts to sound like horse hooves.

"Does **that** answer your question?" Mindbender asked.

"Pretty much," Cobra Commander sighed. "I saw that horse guy in the halls earlier. I guess it was too much to hope that he was simply a fan of Monty Python."

"The problem is figuring out the reverse switch which the good doctor in all his wisdom didn't label!" Mindbender grumbled. "Once we figure that out it we'll be good to go!"

"Can't you just ask Dr. Venom?" Cobra Commander asked.

"Let's just say he's barely able to be alive, let alone talk," Mindbender sighed.

"Is it really **that important** to reverse the process?" Cobra Commander snorted. "Come on, why can't we just leave the Baroness to her fate?"

"BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!"

CRASH! SMASH! SHATTER!

"BARK! BARK! BARK!"

CRASH!

"Oh yeah. That really was a stupid question wasn't it?" Cobra Commander sighed. "How long is it going to take you how to figure out how to reverse the process?"

"I would have been done by now if someone didn't eat the blueprints!" Mindbender glared at someone behind him. "I'm talking about **you** Steve!"

"BAAAAAAAHHH!" A man in a lab coat bleated as he munched on some papers.

"He thinks he's a goat," Mindbender explained.

"I gathered that," Cobra Commander said sarcastically.

"From what I've been able to figure out it's not one button that does it but a combination of two or more," Mindbender said. "I think if I do at least twenty to thirty experiments I might be able to narrow it down."

CRASH!

"BAAAAHHH!"

"Make that thirty to forty," Mindbender sighed. "STEVE! STOP EATING MY LAB EQUIPMENT!"

"So when are you planning to be finished? By the end of the week?" Cobra Commander asked.

"BAAAAHHH!" The Cobra Sheep Soldiers ran by again.

"Better make it two," Mindbender sighed. "Just to be on the safe side."

"Okay. No pressure," Cobra Commander waved. "Just get it done when you can."

"You're awfully laid back about how long this is taking," Mindbender said.

"Honestly I'm kind of enjoying the situation a bit," Cobra Commander admitted. "I got some great one liners to torment Destro about it later."

"HELP! GET THIS CRAZY DOG LADY AWAY FROM ME!" Someone screamed down the hallway.

"BARK! BARK! BARK!" The Baroness could be heard as well.

"Plus the fact that the Baroness can't talk is also a big plus," Cobra Commander added. "Not that I always understood her ranting anyway but still…"

"Not really that much of a difference between her barking now and her barking before," Mindbender said.

"Exactly. Plus if I want her out of my hair all I have to do is throw a ball or feed her some bacon," Cobra Commander said. "That usually shuts her up quick so… There's no real rush on this."

"AAAAAH! RARRRRRR!" The sounds of Dreadnoks screaming like creatures could be heard.

"Did the Dreadnoks get hit by the hypnosis ray too?" Mindbender blinked.

"No, they've always been animals," Cobra Commander sighed.

"Run away! Run away! Run **far **away!" Torch yelled as he ran past the door.

"Run for it!" Ripper screamed as he ran past the door.

"She's barking mad!" Buzzer yelled as he ran after.

"Crazy lady! Crazy lady!" Road Pig followed in a high pitched voice.

"MOMMY!" Monkeywrench yelled.

"RARRR! BARK! BARK! BARK!" The Baroness was now chasing the Dreadnoks, snarling and biting at them.

"Now who saw **that **coming?" Cobra Commander quipped. "That'll teach them to raid my refrigerator!"

"AAAAHHH!" The Dreadnoks ran for their lives past them again. And again the Baroness chased them.

"You know Mindbender if you need to take three weeks to work on this weapon go ahead and do so," Cobra Commander waved. "Oh what the hell? Go for a whole month."

"Well I was thinking about taking a break now," Mindbender admitted.

"YEOW! SHE BIT ME!" Torch yelled. "I'M BLEEDING!"

"You'll bleed even more if you don't **keep running**!" Buzzer screamed in a high pitched voice. "YEOW! NOW SHE BIT ME!"

"On second thought maybe I'll knock off early and get a fresh start tomorrow?" Mindbender said.

"Good plan," Cobra Commander nodded. "Give your mind a little time to recharge."

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! RUN! AAAAHHH! MOMMY!" The Dreadnoks screamed.

"And give the Baroness more time to herd the Dreadnoks like the mindless cattle they are," Mindbender laughed.

"AAAH! SHE GOT ME! HELP! OW! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Monkeywrench yelled.

"Sorry mate but better you than us!" Buzzer shouted.

"DESTRO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT INSANE BITCH OF A GIRLFRIEND OF YOURS!" Zartan shouted.

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN HANDLE HER?" Destro yelled. "I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING WHEN SHE WAS CAPABLE OF RATIONAL THOUGHT! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN REASON WITH HER NOW?"

"WHEN HAS THE BARONESS **EVER** BEEN CAPABLE OF RATONAL THOUGHT?" Zartan yelled back.

"OW! OH MAMA THIS IS PAINFUL! WHO KNEW HER TEETH WERE THAT SHARP?" Monkeywrench screamed. "SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP! SHE'LL KILL ME!"

"GOOD!" Destro yelled. "AT LEAST SOMETHING POSITIVE WILL COME OUT OF THIS MESS!"

"SPEAKING OF MESSES, THAT'S WHAT YOUR FACE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE ONCE I'M DONE WITH YOU!" Zartan yelled. Sounds of fighting were heard seconds later.

"NOT EVEN ON YOUR BEST DAY CAN YOU…" Destro shouted. "OW! YOU BIT ME! YOU MISERABLE MERCENARY!"

"Hey if your bitch of a girlfriend can do it!" Zartan yelled. "OW! STOP BITING MY ARM!"

"SOMEBODY HELP ME! CALL A DOCTOR! CALL ANIMAL CONTROL! ANYBODY!" Monkeywrench shouted.

"BAAAAAAHHH!"

"SHEEP! RABID SHEEEEP!" Torch screamed. "OW! THAT HURTS!"

"Well somebody's not happy," Mindbender observed.

"I don't know what the big deal is," Cobra Commander sighed. "It's always been a zoo around here."


End file.
